Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

I find this article

23 Jan

quite fascinating.

Given that much of my livelihood depends on couples divorcing, this is very good information, indeed. It’s easy to get a jaundiced view given what I do. Now don’t get me wrong, divorce is bad in many ways. But if someone has to benefit, it might as well be me! (I keed, I keed!).

I think that it’s also easy for people to give up on marriages when they perceive divorce as very common. The truth is that marriage (and ALL family relationships) is hard sometimes. Giving up does not help.

A fairly recent longitudinal study looked at couples who had the very same levels of conflict as many who divorced, but stayed together, often “for the kids.” What was found was that these estranged couples who stayed together (even though they didn’t like each other) often grew together–the marriage got better if they waited it out. They eventually became attached to each other. But it was not immediate gratification.

Other research shows that 2nd marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages, and 3rd marriages have astronomically high divorce rates. The idea of a bad first marriage and a good second one is largely a myth–it happens, just very rarely.

The bottom line is it is most often far better for you to work on the current marriage rather than to “move on” and find another partner (note that I’m NOT talking about abuse, here). It is certainly far better for kids.

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Look, I’m NOT a fan,

15 Jul

but logically there is no way to condone and endorse gay marriages and yet somehow pretend that poly marriages are illegal and bad. The reasoning is exactly the same. I think only a hack or a great idiot doesn’t see that they are the same in ALL basic elements.

Again, I’m not a fan of either. But it is illogical in the extreme to endorse one and condemn the other.

Again, I think the ONLY decent option now is for religions to get out of the State marriage business altogether. The divide is growing, and it’s getting harder and harder to have one foot on each side. You are going to have to jump to one side or the other. You choose what side you are on!


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05 Jul

I have been advocating this for years.

Splitting it insulates religions from the ravages of the State. Don’t be fooled, things will only get more extreme over the next decade. It also prevents religions from being coerced (in typical Lefty fashion) to perform ceremonies they don’t condone.

The LAST thing religions want to do in get into bed with the State…


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As I have said before,

28 Jun

get the gov’t out of the marriage business altogether! Everyone pays the same tax regardless of what they say their marital status is. I honestly don’t care what you do. Have your plumber do the “ceremony” for all I care. I just don’t care what you do–leave me out of it. Maybe your houseplant is your thing. Fine. Maybe there are 3 guys and 2 women who float your boat. I don’t care. Really, I don’t.

But if you want to have a ceremony in the Catholic Cathedral, go talk to the Priest and abide by HIS requirements. HE gets to say what happens in HIS building. HE answers to HIS superiors. And don’t be deceptive, but that would be an issue in any case…

I personally don’t give a flying fig about my secular marriage “license.” I care about the religious ceremony and that’s the total extent of it. Get out of my business, gov’t!

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Seems like it is

03 Jun

likely a good idea. There are some details I’d like to know before I really endorse it. Not that anyone’s asking…

As I’ve said before, “marry” whomever or whatever you want, in whatever number. “Marry” your hamster or your houseplant. I really don’t care. But each person is taxed individually, so it makes no difference whatsoever what your marital status is. There is no “marriage penalty.” If you live with someone for X period of time, the joint property rules apply (as they do now, anyway). Plain and simple. Get a dang prenup! Get it online, perhaps for free–that seems like something useful that gov’t could do. In fact, a prenup could look very much like a traditional marriage today (complete with faithfulness clauses, which might make it even stronger)! So for a ton of folks, not much at all would change.

Then have the religious ceremony wherever a) you want and b) they will agree to it. I really don’t care if you have your plumber perform the “ceremony.” There is NO reason the gov’t should be in the marriage business at all! Sure, only consenting and competent adults can enter into the contract, but that’s really no different than it is now.

I am married. I’m very attached to my wife, and we are totally faithful to each other. That has absolutely nothing to do with a state-issued marriage license and everything to do with religious and personal issues. The way things are now is just a legally binding contract, and we would be well to recognize that. Let’s avoid the whole “the priest HAS to let us use the Cathedral” thing and call it what it is–a binding contract. And this would not change divorce or custody one little bit. But the legal and the religious aspects logically and legally MUST be split apart, eventually.


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The stats are

19 Mar

just shocking. As a social scientist I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.

Inevitably there will someday in the future be a separation. We are already seeing rumblings of it. It is still on the edge, but it used to be the sole domain of kooks and cranks.

It’s like you have one foot on either side of the ditch, and the ditch is incrementally getting wider. At some point you will have to jump to one side or the other. It used to be that one could fairly easily stand astride that gap, but that is becoming increasingly difficult as the gap gets bigger. In other words, the answer is NOT to be found in the generation of your parents or grandparents. Their strategies were great for their time, but those solutions are perhaps no longer ideal. YOU have to figure out what to do. They lived in a different world and faced different challenges. You are going to have to eventually make a call, a command decision. Stand in a safe place!

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Those of us who

17 Dec

work with kids already knew this. Ignore it at your peril.

The hard truth is that certain family structures are more likely than others to produce good results. No amount of Political Correctness will change that. I fully understand that in some cases the ideal is not possible, but it is still the ideal. You just do the best you can. But just because we agree that the red door is blue doesn’t make it so. Facts are stubborn things…


The more I think about it,

16 Nov

the less convinced I am that Gov’t should be involved in marriage at all.

Ideally, each person does his own thing as far as the law goes. No tax differences, no child tax credits, no NOTHING! If you want to join “a partner,” make a contract. ALL couples get “married” civilly. Gay, straight, whatever. “Marry” your brother, for all I care. OK, but say you want to get married in the Catholic cathedral. Go talk to your Priest. Arrange the ceremony. No “one-stop shopping” that privileges clergy members. I don’t care where or even if you get the union ‘solemnized” by a church authority. NO ONE cares now! Proof? Check out divorce proceedings. All marriage is is a contract. Heck, if you live with someone long enough that is ipso facto your spouse. In my plan, YOU decide what religious implications the marriage entails. Well, you and your partner. Your morality is your own.

I am married, not because of some gov’t approval, but because of a personal attachment and MORAL obligation. I think the focus should be on the moral, not the legal.

Are there faults in this reasoning? What are they?


Posted in Marriage