so many good Biden moments, it would be really hard to rank them!
- The time he shook hands with a real live ghost: He made our first real diplomatic connection with the spirit world. What a legend.
- When he invented epic new dance moves like “Trippin’ on the sandbag” and “Fallin’ down the stairs”: A pioneer of dance.
- That one time he said “Furbskizguzzit dambershluurb”: Words of wisdom. If only Americans had taken them to heart.
- When he asserted American dominance by fearlessly crapping his pants in front of the Pope: He struck fear in the hearts of the uppity papists.
- The time he let his son bring a historic first baggy of cocaine into the White House: His exemplary love for family was one of the most inspiring legacies that he will leave this country.
- That one time he refused to acknowledge his granddaughter: An example for grandparents everywhere.
- The time he built a monumental pier in Gaza: The 8th wonder of the world, some say.
- All the other times he refused to acknowledge his granddaughter: You could see the paternal spirit just bursting in his heart.
- The one time he fell off a non-moving bike: The tourist revenue from Brandon Falls has been a huge shot in the arm for our economy.
- Bravely standing up there the whole time and saying all the words at the debate: He was a true example of leadership, eloquence, and perseverance.
- The time he left office: Historians may downplay the significance of this move in the history books. But they can never erase its significance in our hearts.