Democrats have officially begun to panic as, against all odds, President Joe Biden is still not dead.
As polls persistently show Trump leading President Biden in both the popular vote and electoral college, Democrats have become increasingly anxious that Biden may survive to November. “He was supposed to bite the dust months ago,” sighed top Democratic political operative Dan Scarborough. “Everything has gone perfectly to plan these last four years. Biden wins from his basement, then his body begins shutting down right on schedule… but the guy just won’t die. It’s looking dire.”